FOURISH A.M.

 

6:00 A.M.:  I OPENED MY EYES, HALF AWAKE, HEARING BIRDS CHIRPING. I WAS LYING ON THE BED BEFORE I FINALLY CLOSED MY EYES AND WENT BACK TO SLEEP, FORGETTING IF I HEARD BIRDS CHIRPING.

 

8: 30 A.M.:  I WOKE UP AND JUST REMEMBERED WHAT I DREAMT LAST NIGHT. I DIDN’T REMEMBER EVERYTHING. I COULDN’T REMEMBER EVERYTHING. I WAS CONFUSED ABOUT WHAT I DREAMT LAST NIGHT. 

I TRIED TO REMEMBER MY DREAM. I WANTED TO REMEMBER BECAUSE I FELT SOMETHING MYSTERIOUS. DREAMING IS ALWAYS MYSTERIOUS TO ME. I WAS THERE (IN MY DREAM). WAS IT ME? YES, I THINK THAT WAS ME. IT WAS NOT CLEAR, YET I RECOGNIZED THAT IT WAS ME. I WORE A BLACK DRESS AND WAS IN THE CENTER OF THE WORLD. I WAS LIKE A PROTAGONIST IN A MOVIE OR NOVEL. 

IT WAS STRANGE. I WAS ACTING SOMEWHAT DIFFERENTLY THAN MYSELF. I LOOKED LIKE A SPECIAL PERSON. WAS I ALICE IN WONDERLAND? WAS I THE STANDING BUDDHA WITH A HALO? WAS IT REALLY ME? NOW I THINK THAT IT WAS NOT ME. MAYBE I DON’T REMEMBER MY DREAM WELL, BUT I THINK THAT WAS ME. I WAS HOLDING FLOWERS. I WAS HOLDING PLANTS. NO, I WAS JUST STANDING IN THE ROSE GARDEN. NO, I WAS JUST HOLDING RED FLOWERS SOMEWHERE. I WAS ON A HILL. I THINK I WAS ON THE STREET. MANY PEOPLE WERE ON THE HILL. NO ONE WAS ON THE STREET. MAYBE MANY PEOPLE WERE ON THE STREET. IT WAS LIKE I WAS BEING BORN ON THE STREET. IT WAS LIKE BEING BORN AS A NEW PERSON, GRADUALLY ACTING WITH A BOLD GESTURE. MAYBE IT WAS NOT ABOUT BIRTH, BUT I FELT LIKE I WAS BORN IN THAT PLACE. THIS WAS NOT CLEAR. THIS WAS MYSTERIOUS. DREAMING IS ALWAYS MYSTERIOUS. I DREAM. MY DREAM IS MINE. AT LEAST, IT COMES FROM ME, BUT IT DISAPPEARS. IT GOES AWAY FROM ME. MAYBE MY DREAM IS NOT MINE. THEN I FORGET WHAT I DREAMT LAST NIGHT. I DON’T EVEN REALIZE WHEN IT GOES AWAY FROM ME. 

 

DREAMING IS SOMETIMES RELATED TO MY THINKING AND MY EXPERIENCE. A SCENE FROM A MOVIE I WATCHED, OR A STORY FROM A BOOK I READ BEFORE I WENT TO BED, REAPPEARS IN A STRANGE IMAGE IN A DREAM. I MAY BECOME A PRINCESS OR PETER PAN IN A DREAM AFTER I READ DISNEY BOOKS. I CAN BE A STRANGE CHARACTER IN A DREAM EVEN IF I HAVEN’T THOUGHT ABOUT IT BEFORE. I GO TO ANOTHER WORLD WHILE I AM SLEEPING. MY BEAUTIFUL EXPERIENCE ENDS WHEN I WAKE UP. YET, SOMETIMES IT ACTUALLY STAYS WITH ME FOR A WHILE, BUT EVENTUALLY IT DISAPPEARS. 

I AM NOT AWARE THAT IT IS FADING AWAY FROM ME. THEN I DON’T REMEMBER IT AT ALL. THEN I VISIT ANOTHER WORLD WHEN I GO BACK TO SLEEP………AND AGAIN AND AGAIN.  

 

I JUST REMEMBERED THAT I READ A BOOK BEFORE I WENT TO BED LAST NIGHT. IT WAS A BOOK ABOUT THE MYTH OF THE KOREAN KING, BAKHYEOKEOSE, WHO IS HATCHED FROM AN EGG AND BECOMES A KING. HE CAME OUT OF A CIRCLE SHAPE AND BECAME A SPECIAL FIGURE, BUT I DON’T KNOW WHY I WAS STANDING IN FRONT OF THE CIRCLE IN MY DREAM. I AM CONFUSED ABOUT ALL KINDS OF FANTASIES IN MY DREAMS. IN MY DREAM, I SAW THE LOCATION I MIGHT HAVE VISITED BEFORE, BUT I DON’T KNOW WHY IT WAS SHOWN. I DON’T KNOW WHY I WAS THERE IN THE DREAM. I RECOGNIZE WHAT IT IS BUT I DO NOT RECOGNIZE WHY IT IS THERE, WHAT IT MEANS. A DREAM IS LIKE AN ABSTRACT PAINTING, A VERY MYSTERIOUS, ABSTRACT WORK.

 

IS THE DREAM A FANTASY? THE FANTASY OF DREAMS SOMETIMES BECOMES THE BARRIER OR VEIL BETWEEN REAL EXPERIENCE IN THE PAST AND MYSELF IN THE PRESENT. AND THE MYSTERY CELEBRATES THE JOURNEY TO FANTASY. I VISITED A STRANGE BUT BEAUTIFUL WORLD THROUGH MY DREAM. I’M LOSING WHERE I TRAVELED TO AND WHAT HAPPENED LAST NIGHT IN MY DREAM. I’M DREAMING AGAIN TONIGHT, WHICH I WILL FORGET TOMORROW. 

 

DAHYE KIM, ONE DAY IN FALL, 2013.